Monthly Archives: February 2015

These London corners

“Love makes you see a place differently, just as you hold differently an object that belongs to someone you love. If you know one landscape well, you will look at all other landscapes differently. And if you learn to love one place, sometimes you can also learn to love another.” – Anne Michaels, The Winter Vault

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Back in the +44 in January, turning all those familiar corners, taking to the old sunlit streets like a fish to water, everything so starkly familiar, as though I had been gone a long time, as though I hadn’t been gone at all.

Is 10 days enough? I saw Constable’s paintings at the Victoria & Albert, made a visit to East London, passed the New Year on Primrose Hill, had high tea at Bea’s of Bloomsbury, met my favourite people for dinner, watched the Curious Incident, did a speedy run of Oxford Street, had a night walk by the river, had Dutch Pancakes and Ramen, sat in friend’s kitchens, made a quick visit to Camden High Street, ate my favourite yogurts and drank Kefir, went home with 9 boxes of Special K Biscuits.

But I didn’t get to see Turner’s paintings at Tate. I didn’t get to walk through Regent’s Park, or supermarket hop.  I would have liked to watch another play, visit more people, see more of London that I hadn’t seen before. Much of the time I admit to huddling, freezing, in the room my friends kindly let me stay in. The England weather is forever unrelenting.

I sensed time passing, things changing from the time I was studying there. Everything a little colder and emptier, the streets containing less emotion than they did before. Still, with its gentle nostalgic light, this place is a comfort to me.

“背中にあった翼は今はもう必要ない”

“The wings I had on my back, I will not need them anymore”

[28/12/2014-8/1/2015]

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All we are

river

There above the river

I asked you to sing me a song

The one with all the names

That I see constellating in your eyes

Your voice caresses the gray air

As you begin your way through your ancestry:

And all their losses, lovers and gods

A shadow watches from inside your eyes

It’s learning the sound of my presence

Is that the shadow of the past?

Your script runs over my shoulders

Slow time pulling a garment

Over my bare skin

Perhaps our bodies will remember for us

All that is steadily

receding from memory

Ice-cream drips on your fingers

And the sunlight

Slowly begins to slice us both open

The future is calling to us softly

I know you hear it

When your words stop

and you turn your face, pale

with glistening eyes

to the sky. You turn to me and nod

And say,

All we really need is time

Rainy day in Shoreditch

“Beware of doors” ~ Neil Gaiman, Neverwhere

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It was one of those crazy days towards the end of my December London trip where I suddenly realised how little time I had left. Unfortunately it was cold and rainy the whole time, even though the preceding days had been dry. My friend led me around as I snapped pictures of colourful graffiti.

We visited the famous Dum Dum Donutterie for cronuts (which to be honest were really too sweet for my liking), and had a nice spicy lunch at the market. Afterwards, we made a brief shopping trip down Oxford Street before walking to the Apollo Theatre to catch The Curious Incident, tickets to which I had obtained early that morning queuing outside of the theatre. It was a full day indeed.

[7/1/2015]

Nighttime prayers

Please be with me through this night
Let me sit here in your tender sight.
Do not come over me with a pillar of fire
But come with the fabric, the thread in your fingers
Bring a garment to lay over my shoulders
To draw these pieces of me back together

 

Some nights I really just feel like train wreck, all in pieces, gasping for breath.

For Valentine’s

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So! I don’t often bake these days, mainly because I’m not a big eater of sweet things. But on Friday morning I decided to do the domestic thing and speedily baked and packaged a batch of heart-shaped cookies.

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The recipe I used can be found here at Wanna Come With.

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The bunny template can be found here.

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The night before, I also helped my sister with these cuties. I just love how different the swirls came out on each one. Which one would you pick to represent your heart?

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Hope everyone had a lovely weekend.

All this light

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There was so much gold beyond the veranda today, it made me ache to be outside. I walked a short distance down the road, feeling dwarfed by the trees. It would only be for a short while. These days it does not rain, but somehow the air is always cool. There’s something about the transience of the light and the coolness of the air on my skin that has made the days seem so surreal. I felt immediately soothed, walking and breathing and looking up to the bright sky beyond the high, heavy branches of trees.

It’s a painfully bright world, one that keeps spinning on. Most days I just don’t know how to feel my place in it. There is no substance or form to my thoughts and feelings these days, unsettling though they may be. They whistle through my mind like the wind in the leaves. And often I just feel deeply tired inside. The world is big and golden and there, yet I have nothing to grab hold of, nowhere to find rest. The days, they slowly warm me, and also make me shiver with every breath.